Nourishment is something I think and talk about a lot. Obviously there's physical nourishment, which we get from food -- but to live full and satisfying lives we need other kinds of sustenance too. 

Lately I've been snacking on the book Silence, by Buddhist teacher and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh. In the first chapter he talks about four kinds of "nutriments" (types of nourishment) that we get energy from every day.

That's what inspired this post. 

A smorgasbord of stimuli

In Silence, Thich Nhat Hanh describes a "smorgasbord of stimuli" that we're choosing from every day (knowingly or not) as we take in energy from the world around us.

The types of nourishment available on the smorgasbord are:

• physical food, 
• sense impressions (what we take in through our five senses),
• volition (what moves us to act), and 
• consciousness (individual and collective).

As I was reading, it occurred to me that all of these can vary from healthy sources of energy, to unhealthy.

Just like real, nourishing food versus junk food, any of these four kinds of nutriments can fill us with energy and vitality or they can leave us un-nourished, sluggish or jittery, and unwell.

Of the four, the one I want to talk about in this post is "volition."

Volition - "the force that moves us to act"

I would describe "volition" as being "the force that motivates or moves us to act."

In a dictionary, it means something like, "the act of exercising the will; the faculty or capability of conscious choice, decision, and intention."  

To do something "of one's own volition" is to do it by one's own choice.

Synonyms for volition (words with similar meanings) are choice and discretion.

Volition is like food in that it "feeds" your choices and actions

Of the nutriment of "volition," Thich Nhat Hanh says:

I would also add that most of the noise around us is designed to incite strong emotional reactions that keep us hooked, scrolling, clicking, gaping, and gossiping (gossiping is now called "sharing"). 

And as digital tech and AI become increasingly subtle and manipulative, all this noise is influencing us far below the level of our conscious awareness. (I asked my 14 year old son what he thought of this post; one of the things he said was, "Mum, don't list "advertising" as a source of volition. Most people believe they're not influenced by advertising.")

Thich Nhat Hanh goes on to say,

Allowing the noise outside of you to motivate you is like eating junk food

Here's what I took away: 

Volition (your decision making power or the force that motivates you to act) can come from inside you, based on your personal values and your authentic desires. This is real "nourishment" for your decisions and actions. 

Or it can come from the "noise" outside of you -- this can be more like "junk food.".  

Volition from outside sources that are not interested in your well-being fills you up with "calories" (spikes of cheap, short term energy).

But it doesn't provide the lasting "nutrients" (for example, a sense of meaning and satisfaction) that you would get from being guided by your own internal volition.

Which means that when we allow the noise around us to motivate our actions, we're starving ourselves.

What if you can't find your internal volition?

If you got in trouble a lot for following your internal volition as a child, it might now feel like you cant find it or even that don't have any. 

Here's where mindfulness comes in. According to Thich Nhat Hanh (in another of his books, Being Peace) mindfulness means simply "paying attention."

Pay attention, especially to your body.

Your body knows what's going on inside of you. 

When your whole body feels good, you can assume that you've managed to align yourself with your internal volition. 

When something in your body feels "off," or uncomfortable, you can assume you're out of alignment. 

It's a bit like food -- real, nourishing food makes your body feel good; junk food doesn't.

As an adult, you know you can make mistakes. And Life has shown you that the consequences of some mistakes can be terrible. For many adults, fear of making a mistake is crippling.

It shows up in every aspect of your life. Without even knowing you're doing it, you just live a half life -- with the handbrake on all the time. This is the "inner critic" at work. 

What you were supposed to learn as a child 

As a small child, you were supposed to have the experience of feeling that you could do no wrong. That everyone you met wanted to hug or play with you, and that you could rely on your parents, uncles, aunties, and grandparents to protect and cherish you.

As you grew up, of course you discovered you could make mistakes. But ideally you also found that when you did, the people who loved you would step in and help you make it right.

You learned you could make amends for your mistakes, and that in the process you would grow stronger, wiser, more capable.

If you had that experience, you had a WAY better chance of growing up to be an adult who is not afraid of mistakes.

If you didn't, now that you're an adult it's up to you to find the child inside you, and find a way to give him or her what you missed out on.

Understanding your inner critic 

In recent years I've learned that my "inner critic" which looms so large in my life and often feels like it has me completely in its control, developed during my early childhood. Its purpose is to prevent me from taking risks that might get me into trouble.

It's the equivalent of a 5 year old suppressing her 4 year old sibling at any cost, to avoid drawing the attention of a punitive authority figure.  

Now, I understand that when I feel stuck and frustrated, when I find myself avoiding and procrastinating, when I have a vague sense that

"I've done something wrong and I'm gonna be in big trouble" 

... that's my  5 year old gatekeeper anxiously scanning the horizon for trouble. 

The antidote: compassionate self-leadership

So now when I feel those things, I say to my child-self,

"Honey, it's okay. There's a grown up here now to take care of everything. No one is mad at you, and there's no way you can fail at Life." 

In my experience, compassionate self-leadership is the only real antidote to that crippling fear, that tyrannical inner critic's voice that otherwise keeps you small and limited, fearful and hurting. 

The full moon is the moment in the lunar cycle of peak light, peak energy, peak everything (like the Summer Solstice in the annual solar cycle).

Before electricity, the full moon was when communities held celebrations because you could see all night long.

Also before electricity, the full moon was the friend of anyone whose work took them outside at night -- because you didn't have to stumble around in the dark. Obstacles were clearly revealed.

We're less in touch with the lunar cycle now that we don't rely on the moon to light our nighttime activities, but metaphorically speaking, the full moon can still "illuminate" what we need to "see more clearly" in our lives.

The full moon is a good time for acknowledging the good things

The full moon is an excellent time for celebrations. Take a moment while the energy is peaking, to count your blessings and acknowledge and celebrate your strengths, commitments, good intentions, and accomplishments. 

Can't find any? For three days in a row over the full moon period, in your journal or on a piece of paper, write:

"I'm grateful for [...].

"I acknowledge [...]"

(Not sure what to acknowledge? Pick something good about you, something you've achieved, or even just something you haven't given up on. It gets easier with practice.)

And finally, write

"I want [...]" 

(Acknowledging our desires, especially the ones we don't want to admit to, is a way of honoring them -- which is much healthier and kinder than ignoring or suppressing them¹. 

The full moon illuminates what's standing in our way  

Sometimes it feels hard to find much to celebrate, or any authentic desires.

Sometimes all I see at the full moon is obstacles. Frustration. Flare-ups of difficult patterns that just keep hanging on no matter how hard I try to shake them off.

The full moon brings a kind of "peak illumination" to whatever needs our attention. Whatever we've been avoiding addressing in our lives.

"What is obvious--fully illuminated--in my life right now?" is a question I ask as the full moon approaches².

"What is most intense, obvious, or compelling; what is demanding my attention right now?"

"What am I compelled to notice?"

Don't be discouraged if all you see is obstacles. Obstacles present themselves to us more clearly and insistently when we're ready to resolve them.

Until then, they hide in the shadows. We stumble over them, we know they're there, but we don't see them clearly until we're ready to resolve them.

When we're ready, when we "see" clearly--not before--the insight, teacher, support, or resources we need show up. The situation resolves itself, one way or another. (Maybe not comfortably.) 

Our job in the meantime is to pay attention.

Right now, give your full attention to whatever feels intense in your life as this full moon approaches. Feel what you've been avoiding feeling. 

Where is it in your body? Does it have a colour? A shape? A texture? How might a small child describe it?

Identify how it feels in your body to be so blocked, miserable, frustrated, whatever. Be with it to whatever degree feels do-able for you right now. 

Take a long, deep, slow breath into the part of your body where you feel the sensations. Slower. Deeper. 

Then let your breath out.

Slowly.

Even slower.

Keep breathing out until your lungs are empty, and then breath out a bit more.

Do that three times: breathe into the sensations; breathe out slowly and completely. Make your out breath longer than your in breath.

Sometimes it helps to hum as you breathe out. Tunefully or not, it doesn't matter. When I hum, I sound like a drone or a bumble bee³.

Now. Now, you're paying attention.

And when you're paying attention (as opposed to just coping) you're more likely to recognize the help you need when it shows up (in whatever form it comes).

Related reading 

What will the Full Moon Reveal for You?

Even when I feel resistance to the way things are turning out, even when I'm face down on the floor kicking and screaming while things are turning out the way they are, I know I'm likely to look back later and say:

"Oh. NOW I see that the way it turned out was ok after all."

Often with the perspective of hindsight I even see that it had to be that way, and I see why.

And each time I benefit from hindsight in this way, it adds a fiber to my capacity to trust the present moment.

After so many times of seeing in the rear view mirror that the way things unfolded was for the purpose of my growth and the well-being of the Whole (as opposed to being for my own personal short-term comfort), I've come to expect that that's what I'll see when I look back. 

Which enables me to face or even embrace pain and discomfort in the present moment with a bit more faith that this doesn't mean "Life sucks and then you die."

To me, it means something more like "Life can be intensely uncomfortable (as can childbirth, for example) and then through the discomfort comes growth or treasure you couldn't have imagined or comprehended before the pain and discomfort broke you open and made you bigger."