You Are Not Alone: Words for When Life Feels Hard

Image credit: Ralph at Pixabay

If you're struggling, I want you to know that you're not alone. In this post I'll share some words of perspective that are mostly from my wiser self to my struggling self, but maybe they're for you, too.

If they are, you'll know, and if not, thanks anyway for reading -- it means a lot to me. 

Sometimes life is hard work, isn't it?

Sometimes being emotionally comfortable and confident, satisfied and at peace -- really, solidly, deep down, not just on the surface in the persona we present to other people -- seems out of reach.

And sometimes, we're fooling ourselves. In those moments we've convinced ourselves that we are ok, while we fail to notice that we're just projecting our stuff onto those around us and wondering why they cant get it together.

In his book Fully Human, Steve Biddulph points out that many people who seem to be doing fine are actually not. (Unless you define "FINE" as "F____d up, Insecure, Neurotic, and Emotional.")

Biddulph says, "unresolved trauma -- personal and inter-generational -- is so common that it affects the lives of almost everyone. ... catastrophic wars, recessions, refugee flows, social changes to family, community and our relationship with nature -- [have led us to accumulate] a trauma legacy that lives in the bodies of most of us."

So why am I talking about all this right now?

The full moon illuminates our path - and our obstacles

I'm talking about all this right now because we just went through a full moon (I'm writing  on Monday 4th May, 2026, and the full moon was two days ago).

Full moon energy has a tendency to stir things up. It certainly did for me. In the late and wee hours of too many recent nights I've been confronting stuff that I would definitely have projected onto someone else if there had been anyone around.

Now in the light of day I'm reminded that choices and decisions made under duress can have a long-term impact.

I'm reminding myself that "this too shall pass," and that after it does I'll probably be wiser than I am now.

All of which is to say that if you're struggling around about now, if the full moon seems to have "illuminated" stuff that's hard to deal with, you're not alone.

You are not alone

In my mind, "you are not alone" has two meanings, which I'll unpack one at a time...

The compassion you offer to another is also received by your own hurting parts

The first meaning of "you are not alone," is obviously that others (who might appear to be fine) might be struggling too.

I'm in a process of trying teach myself to really "see" others, as they are deep down inside rather than just on the surface.

And yes, I'm finding that that is hard to do. It helps me to remind myself that whatever compassion I'm able to offer to another, by truly seeing them, is also received by my own hurting inner parts.

We are in relationship with something larger

The second meaning of "you are not alone" is that something larger than you is holding you. If you tune into that, you'll feel it.

My experience has been that I feel it either as soon as I tune in, or as soon as I hit bottom hard enough that I can no longer tune out.

I'll paraphrase words by Matt Licata:

We can trust the process of our healing and growth

I believe that psyche and soma -- mind and body -- are always seeking healing and wholeness the same way a seedling seeks sunlight.

We have a responsibility to place ourselves where the sun can reach us, and to provide ourselves with nourishment and nurturance (physical and otherwise). But we can entrust the actual process of our healing and growth to Nature -- our own, and the Nature of whatever you call the larger Intelligence that holds us.

The full moon illuminates everything, "good" and "bad," so its a great time for counting your blessings and for seeing your obstacles more clearly (the better to overcome them). 

Use these prompts for exploring both, at the full moon or any time you're struggling. 

Count your blessings 

In your journal or on a piece of paper, write:

• "I'm grateful for [...]"
• "I acknowledge my [...]"

Not sure what to acknowledge? Pick something good about you, something you've achieved, or something you haven't given up on. 

And finally, write

• "I want [...]"

Acknowledging our desires, especially the ones it feels unsafe to acknowledge, is a way of honoring them -- which is much healthier and kinder than ignoring or suppressing them. 

Look your challenges in the eye 

Sometimes it feels hard to find much to celebrate, or any authentic desires.

Sometimes, all I see at the full moon is obstacles. If that feels familiar, in your journal or on a piece of paper, write and answer these questions: 

• "What is obvious--fully illuminated--in my life right now?" 
• "What is most intense in my life right now; what is demanding my attention?"

Assuming you can be undisturbed for ten minutes, if you wrote difficult stuff down on your paper, try this: Right now, give your full attention to whatever feels intense in your life. Feel what you've been avoiding feeling.

Where is it in your body? Does it have a colour? A shape? A texture? Identify how it feels in your body, to be so blocked, miserable, frustrated, angry, whatever.

When you feel it, you can heal it. 

Breathe

Take a slow breath into the place in your body where you feel the sensations. 

Slower.

Then let your breath out.

Slowly.

Even slower.

Keep breathing out until your lungs are empty, and then breath out a bit more.

Do that three times: breathe into the sensations; breathe out slowly and completely. Make your out-breath waaay longer than your in-breath.

Sometimes it helps to hum as you breathe out, like a drone or a bumble bee.

Now. Now, you're paying attention. And when you're paying attention (as opposed to just coping) you're more likely to recognize the help you need when it shows up (in whatever form it comes).

And it will show up, because you are not alone.