Note: I wrote this post in December 2025, for the holiday season. But the principles in it apply all year round -- any time you or anyone around you needs emotional or nervous system support. 

Social gatherings and even just family meal times are supposed to be enjoyable. But the hope or expectation for connection and good feelings often creates pressure on us to "perform."

We want to be fun and light-hearted and patient and present for our kids and each other, but we may also be stressed out, exhausted, and hustling, and the to-do list never gets any shorter.

For many of us this spells an invitation to the inner critic, who starts relentlessly cracking the whip to make sure we're up to snuff.

And along with all that pressure, for some of us the holiday season also awakens an aching emptiness inside which can never be filled with tinsel and material gifts. Because while we're trying to meet other people's needs, there's also a little child inside each of us that needs our presence and attention.

This is what our own parents may not have been able to give to us when we were small. And if presence and connection is lacking internally, then the harder we try to be provide this for the people around us the more impoverished we feel internally -- leading to bitterness and resentment.

Strings of fairy lights

Picture a big Christmas tree with lots of strings of fairy lights threaded all over and through its branches.

Each string of lights makes its own pattern on the tree.

But not all the strings of lights are working the same. Some keep blinking on frantically and constantly; others are inhibited -- they're dim, or they don't light up at all.

These strings of lights winking on and off represent the neural activity in your brain. (See the Extras section down the bottom for more clarity on this, if you want to.)

It could be said that each string of fairy lights represents a "part" of you. 

You know how sometimes we say things like, “There’s a part of me that enjoys the holiday season and a part of me that doesn't" --well, "parts"are a thing.

Each part of you is like a child in a family -- your own inner family of parts. (Hence the name for the mental health modality that I'm describing - it's called "Internal Family Systems".)

When needy ones make trouble

In our internal family systems, there are parts that did not get their needs met when we were little. And just like in the "real" families that gather around tables during the holiday season and other social occasions, sometimes the parts whose needs have not been met will make trouble.

Because even though there are no "bad" parts, none of our parts have the full picture. And many of them are functioning at the level of a small, distressed child.

That's why on our imaginary Christmas tree, some strings of fairy lights shine frantically and some are dim or don't shine at all -- the needy, distressed parts are taking up all the brain space, effectively shutting the rest of the system down or causing it to malfunction.

Playing with the fairy lights

Now, imagine that a calm, curious, compassionate, confident, courageous, creative being is playing with the strings of fairy lights.

Tuning into them to understand what they need. Soothing and attending to the loud, controlling ones so that they can relax and make space for other parts; helping the shy, inhibited, doubtful ones shine brighter. So now there are more lights turned on, and they're all shining more harmoniously.

In other words, you are more emotionally regulated and your brain is functioning at something closer to its true capacity.

Who is this calm, compassionate being?

It's you, when you are in a state of emotional regulation - a state of clarity and connection. In Internal Family Systems this is called the "Self." Ideally, your Self is a bit like a parent to all the parts.

A lot of intensity

As I write, Christmas is a few weeks away. Families are trying to come together, or dealing with the feelings that arise when they can't, or when coming together hurts.

What if the single most useful, productive thing you could do to ease things is to take care of your internal family, so you can be more regulated and resourced for whatever is going on in your outer world?

Paradoxically, this care and attention for yourself is far more important than any task on your to-do list. Less urgent, probably, but more important. So, here are three suggestions that might help.

1. Take three conscious breaths

Begin with three breaths. Without trying to change your breathing at all, just follow it. Be open, receptive, curious, about what you might find inside there where your breath goes.

My 14 year old son calls this "breathing on manual," and he says that as soon as you pay attention to your breath, it feels awkward and you "forget how to breath."

If that feels like what happens for you when you focus on your breath, just stay with it. You can handle it for three breaths.

The awkwardness is  the sensation of your brain having to get out of autopilot and light up strings of fairy lights that are normally dark.

More fairy lights means more capacity.

Try making a habit of taking three conscious breaths each time you transition from one place or task to another.

With a bit of practice, this simple act of focusing on your breath and following it inward might lead to your breath slowing down and deepening.

A little bit spaciousness might open up inside you.

Some of your tension may diminish, a little or a lot.

You might even feel a sigh of relief from your constricted parts.

(I wrote more about this in "Breathe Yourself Home.")

2. Try this 5-breath meditation from Thich Nhat Hanh

Here's a short breath meditation from the book Silence by Buddhist Monk and peace activist, Thich Nhat Hanh.

This requires that you pay attention for 5 full breaths. You can do it. Repeat after me:

"Breathing in, I know I'm breathing in ...

Breathing out, I know I'm breathing out

Breathing in, my breath grows deep ...

Breathing out, my breath grows slow

Breathing in, I feel my body ...

Breathing out, I calm my body

Breathing in, I smile ...

Breathing out, I release

Breathing in, I'm in the present moment ...

Breathing out, I enjoy the present moment."

For me, when I try to smile on the fourth in-breath, I'm sure it looks more like a grimace. It's awkward. More under-used strings of fairy lights are being coaxed into lighting up. But smile or no smile, I'm happy to report that every time i remember to use this practice, I feel better.

I also use it with changes to the wording, according to my need:

"Breathing in, I acknowledge my anxiety ... 

Breathing out, I release my anxiety.

Breathing in, I acknowledge my fear ...

Breathing out, i release my fear.

Breathing in love ...

Breathing out gratitude."

Don't be fooled by the apparent simplicity. Remember, you're not trying to impress another adult; you're trying to sooth your inner 4 year old.

3. As well as your breath, use your finger tips

EFT stands for Emotional Freedom Technique. It's also often just called "Tapping," because it involves tapping with your finger tips on acupressure points on your face and upper body to send calming signals that let the alarm centers in your brain know it's safe to relax. Meaning, more lights can come on.

Even if you don't know anything about EFT, it's very simple to use in combination with your breath for "inner first aide."

(Later, I'd encourage you to learn more about EFT -- see the Extras down the bottom -- but this is a way to get some of its benefits right now, without needing to know anything about it beyond what I've just told you.)

Here are the steps:

• If you've never tapped before, tap 7 to 10 times gently with your finger tips on each of the points, following the chart below, to get a feel for it. Start with the "side of the hand" point, then follow the others as they're numbered. (Skip the "gamut" point for now, you don't need it for this exercise.)

• Once you're familiar with tapping on the points, pause, take a breath, then start again from the beginning.
  
• Tap 7 to 10 times on the "side of the hand" point while you breathe in. Tap 7 to 10 times on the "top of the head" point while you breathe out.
• Continue to follow the chart for the rest of the points -- breathe in as you tap on one point; breathe out as you tap on the next one. It doesn't matter which points you breathe in for and which you breathe out for. It doesn't matter if you miss a point or do them in the wrong order. You cant get this wrong.
• Ask your inner critic part to give it at least one full round of tapping without worrying about how you're doing.
• Then, once you start to get the hang of it, slow. Way. Down. Slow your tapping. Invite your breath to slow. Lengthen your out-breath to be a bit longer than your in-breath. Your breathing my grow deeper all by itself -- what a relief
• Tap lightly, softly, with love and compassion and care and attention. Be as gentle with yourself as you would with a little child.
  

Well done you 

You've just generated a few moments of peacefulness in your internal world. 

Take a moment to cherish yourself and congratulate yourself.

In the culture and times that most of us are finding ourselves in right now, this is the most counter-intuitive work there is -- and by far the most needed.

May your in-breath be deep, your out-breath be long, and all your strings of fairy lights shine in harmony at least occasionally during times of stress, including but not limited to the holiday season  

Extras

On strings of fairy lights to represent neural activity in your brain:

The main signaling cells of the brain are the neurons (the "fairy lights"), each with connections to other neurons that create neural "pathways" (the "wiring"). 

When a neural pathway has been reinforced by strong emotions and/or by lots of repetition, the connections between those neurons get stronger and this pathway becomes more like a "super highway" - easy to follow and hard to find an exit from. 

In my amateur understanding and in my personal experience, each distressed "part" -- for example, the critical part, the anxious part, the appeasing part, the overwhelmed part -- has its own well-worn neural pathways. Healing all this distress involves teaching the parts of myself that they can make new pathways, behave in new ways, and in doing so, light up new parts of my entire nervous system (not just my brain) that have long been shut down. 

I learned to think about all of this in this way partly from this excellent set of videos  (5 videos, each 12 to 20 minutes long).  

On EFT (Emotional Freedom Technique): 

Scroll down to the diagram in this article for a good guide on the acupressure points used in basic EFT, including the specific Chinese acupuncture meridian involved and specific ways each one of them can help you feel better.

Here's a good starting point if you'd like to learn more about EFT online. This organisation also has an Ap you can download to your phone. I have not tried the Ap, but I frequently reference the huge archive of articles on their website.

There are also some really great books about EFT. I can personally recommend the book Tapping by David Feinstein, Ph.D. and Donna Eden if you're in for a comprehensive deep dive, and there are many, many others.

I found some purslane!

Living on a farm with lots of animals means lots of nutrient-rich sediment in gateways and laneways. And because we use rotational grazing, the various gateways and laneways get time to recover from being trampled by hoofs -- which means time for communities of plants of all kinds to keep developing, diversifying, and dropping their seeds.

Then the animals come back, graze, trample, stir things around, drop their manure, and move on again -- and the diversification continues.

This morning in a gateway that hasn't had any hoofed animals through in a while, I found a lovely surprise among plants busy colonizing the bare ground in our early tropical summer -- purslane (Portulaca oleracea).

They would have germinated from seed that somehow arrived at our old dairy shed from who-knows where, then were washed down a shallow incline to the gateway at the bottom. 

Where they're now jostling for space with other opportunistic plants, all of them working together to fill up the space left by the trampling of hoofed animals. 

In the image below, note the plantain plant way down the bottom, slightly left of center. It's shaped a bit like a star or a snowflake. 

This morning when I saw these plantain plants I had been about to open the gateway to allow cattle through.

I left the cattle where they were and took the time to rescue some of these precious purslane plants from the soon-to-be trampled gateway, and bring them to the garden.

Yay!

Yay for purslane!

Purslane fits beautifully into my favorite category of food plants -- the kind that some people call "weeds," and others call "nutritious and medicinal herbs."

They're kinds that volunteer themselves right on our doorsteps (or in our gateways) to provide free, nutritious food that far surpasses anything we'll ever find in a supermarket.

In terms of nutrition and vitality, they even surpass any domesticated food plant we grow ourselves -- I wrote more about that, here.

Purslane - description 

Purslane is a low growing succulent plant that forms dense mats across the ground. It has small, rounded leaves on thick, smooth stems.

In my experience the stems have a reddish tinge, but the internet says they can also be green, yellowish-green, or purplish-green. The stems look shiny. They branch out from a central taproot, radiating in all directions so that the young plants often appear to be in the shape of a star or snowflake.

Purslane produces small yellow flowers and LOTS of tiny (truly tiny) black seeds inside a clever little cup left behind after the flower.

Purslane growing conditions

Purslane is very easy to grow, as all "weeds" are. It produces prolific seeds which can stay dormant for a long time, then germinate abundantly when soils temperatures climb above about 27 degrees Celsius.

It needs lots of sunshine, is not fussed about soil quality, and does not like to be too wet.

Inadequate sunshine and too much moisture are the reasons purslane doesn't volunteer around here very often -- so now I'm pondering how to arrange a niche for the plants I found this morning to be in a spot that's sheltered from too much rain but still receiving lots of sunshine. It might mean that if I want to keep it near the kitchen (the best place for frequently used food plants) I have to put some in a big shallow container and move it around a bit.

Which I think would be worthwhile because, well, purslane!

Eating purslane 

Purslane is very nutritious. 

Michael Pollan is said to have called it one of the two most nutritious plants on the planet in his book In Defense of Food. The other one was apparently lambs quarters, another wild edible and a member of the amaranth family.

I'm not sure how its possible to label a given plant as "most nutritious," since that tries to fix in place something that's changeable and context-dependent, but anyhow -- the general consensus is that if you make a list, purslane is up there near the top of it.

In her book, How Can I Use Herbs in my Daily Life, Isabell Shipard describes purslane as a nutritional powerhouse, particularly in terms of minerals (most notably calcium, iron, magnesium, and potassium), omega-3 fatty acids, vitamins (A, B, C), and antioxidants.

Purslane has been used a food plant throughout the drier, hotter parts of the world--Mediterranean & Middle East, Mexico & Latin America, and Australasia--for a very long time. Hundreds or thousands of years.

The leaves and young stems are crunchy, fleshy, and have a mild lemony taste. They can be eaten raw in the garden and in salads, or cooked any way you can think of to cook them. 

You can also make pesto with purslane. You could make vinegar with it. You can pickle the young stems. In fact, here is a list of 20 purslane recipes, and here is another list of 45 ways to eat it - oh my!

Purslane as a medicinal herb

Science Direct has a page that describes purslane as "a medicinal herb that is edible and possesses multiple biological activities, including anti-inflammatory, anti-oxidation, immune regulation, and anti-tumor effects. 

That's just a small mouthful of the medicinal properties attributed to purslane on the internet. For more, see my sources below or get a cuppa and find some yourself. 

I have no personal experience with using purslane medicinally and therefore no suggestions on it, except to repeat the quote from who ever it was that said, "Let food be thy medicine..."

If you have stories about using it medicinally, please scroll to the bottom and share them in the comments -- please and thank you

Sources

Sources for this post (that I didn't already link to) include:

A review of traditional uses of ... Portulaca oleracea

Ameliorative effects of Portulaca oleracea L. (purslane) and its active constituents on nervous system disorders

Industrial food systems are "extractive"

The industrial food system gives us cheap, convenient food. 

In the process, it damages livelihoods, soil health, eco-system health, bio-diversity, dignity, meaning, purpose and connections¹.

The industrial food system is like mining -- it extracts something of value and then sells it, without returning anything of value.

Regenerative food growing systems build rather than depleting -- they are "additive"

In contrast, regenerative food systems give us very expensive food, if you measure purely in dollar terms.

But the non-monetary value provided by regenerative food production systems is not measurable².

What we can do on a small scale

On a small scale, when we add a pot of herbs to a windowsill or gather edible weeds at our doorsteps or participate in a community garden, at least these four things happen to varying degrees:

• we get to eat food that grew right here, that we and/or our neighbors have been intimately involved with -- connections are built and strengthened
• our mental, emotional, and physical health improves 
• there's less waste
• we feel more dignified and more empowered

What happens on a larger scale when we support regenerative agriculture

On a larger scale, when we support farmers and food production systems that measure restoration and regeneration as part of their bottom line there are benefits for:

• livelihoods and community health,
• soil, water, and atmospheric health, 
• eco-system health,
• bio-diversity
• long term food security. 

We Need More hands in the soil 

Of course--I know--real food costs a lot to grow and is harder to afford than cheap food. Real food calls for there to be many, many more people with their hands in the soil. Real food, by definition, can't be produced cheaply. 

For each person who returns their hands to the soil, that's one more pair of hands providing for the closest few mouths, with no waste or destruction and more of all the good things that grow along with real food. 

Solving the food crisis calls for more people, not more technology

We have an ongoing food crisis -- obscene food waste and way too many people (in our own neighborhoods as well as on the other side of the world) with not enough to eat. 

We also have a climate crisis, a desertification crises, a bio-diversity crisis, social crises...

All these crises are connected -- to one another, and to food production. 

Regenerative food production interconnects with healthy, bustling, teeming, vigorous life. Industrial food production, on the other hand, results in disconnection, depletion, exhaustion, and ill health.

The idea that we can fix our food crisis by throwing bigger money, bigger tech, bigger machinery, or more bureaucracy at our food crisis is simply. Wrong.

I believe that in a nutshell, what we need to throw at our food crisis is people.

What kind of people?

They don't have to be smart, rich, or powerful. (In fact it might be better if they're not.) We just need people who care and who like growing food and who understand or are willing to learn some of the principles of regenerative agriculture, such as the Permaculture principle of "small and slow solutions."

Nourishment is something I think and talk about a lot. Obviously there's physical nourishment, which we get from food -- but to live full and satisfying lives we need other kinds of sustenance too. 

Lately I've been snacking on the book Silence, by Buddhist teacher and peace activist Thich Nhat Hanh. In the first chapter he talks about four kinds of "nutriments" (types of nourishment) that we get energy from every day.

That's what inspired this post. 

A smorgasbord of stimuli

In Silence, Thich Nhat Hanh describes a "smorgasbord of stimuli" that we're choosing from every day (knowingly or not) as we take in energy from the world around us.

The types of nourishment available on the smorgasbord are:

• physical food, 
• sense impressions (what we take in through our five senses),
• volition (what moves us to act), and 
• consciousness (individual and collective).

As I was reading, it occurred to me that all of these can vary from healthy sources of energy, to unhealthy.

Just like real, nourishing food versus junk food, any of these four kinds of nutriments can fill us with energy and vitality or they can leave us un-nourished, sluggish or jittery, and unwell.

Of the four, the one I want to talk about in this post is "volition."

Volition - "the force that moves us to act"

I would describe "volition" as being "the force that motivates or moves us to act."

In a dictionary, it means something like, "the act of exercising the will; the faculty or capability of conscious choice, decision, and intention."  

To do something "of one's own volition" is to do it by one's own choice.

Synonyms for volition (words with similar meanings) are choice and discretion.

Volition is like food in that it "feeds" your choices and actions

Of the nutriment of "volition," Thich Nhat Hanh says:

I would also add that most of the noise around us is designed to incite strong emotional reactions that keep us hooked, scrolling, clicking, gaping, and gossiping (gossiping is now called "sharing"). 

And as digital tech and AI become increasingly subtle and manipulative, all this noise is influencing us far below the level of our conscious awareness. (I asked my 14 year old son what he thought of this post; one of the things he said was, "Mum, don't list "advertising" as a source of volition. Most people believe they're not influenced by advertising.")

Thich Nhat Hanh goes on to say,

Allowing the noise outside of you to motivate you is like eating junk food

Here's what I took away: 

Volition (your decision making power or the force that motivates you to act) can come from inside you, based on your personal values and your authentic desires. This is real "nourishment" for your decisions and actions. 

Or it can come from the "noise" outside of you -- this can be more like "junk food.".  

Volition from outside sources that are not interested in your well-being fills you up with "calories" (spikes of cheap, short term energy).

But it doesn't provide the lasting "nutrients" (for example, a sense of meaning and satisfaction) that you would get from being guided by your own internal volition.

Which means that when we allow the noise around us to motivate our actions, we're starving ourselves.

What if you can't find your internal volition?

If you got in trouble a lot for following your internal volition as a child, it might now feel like you cant find it or even that don't have any. 

Here's where mindfulness comes in. According to Thich Nhat Hanh (in another of his books, Being Peace) mindfulness means simply "paying attention."

Pay attention, especially to your body.

Your body knows what's going on inside of you. 

When your whole body feels good, you can assume that you've managed to align yourself with your internal volition. 

When something in your body feels "off," or uncomfortable, you can assume you're out of alignment. 

It's a bit like food -- real, nourishing food makes your body feel good; junk food doesn't.

As an adult, you know you can make mistakes. And Life has shown you that the consequences of some mistakes can be terrible. For many adults, fear of making a mistake is crippling.

It shows up in every aspect of your life. Without even knowing you're doing it, you just live a half life -- with the handbrake on all the time. This is the "inner critic" at work. 

What you were supposed to learn as a child 

As a small child, you were supposed to have the experience of feeling that you could do no wrong. That everyone you met wanted to hug or play with you, and that you could rely on your parents, uncles, aunties, and grandparents to protect and cherish you.

As you grew up, of course you discovered you could make mistakes. But ideally you also found that when you did, the people who loved you would step in and help you make it right.

You learned you could make amends for your mistakes, and that in the process you would grow stronger, wiser, more capable.

If you had that experience, you had a WAY better chance of growing up to be an adult who is not afraid of mistakes.

If you didn't, now that you're an adult it's up to you to find the child inside you, and find a way to give him or her what you missed out on.

Understanding your inner critic 

In recent years I've learned that my "inner critic" which looms so large in my life and often feels like it has me completely in its control, developed during my early childhood. Its purpose is to prevent me from taking risks that might get me into trouble.

It's the equivalent of a 5 year old suppressing her 4 year old sibling at any cost, to avoid drawing the attention of a punitive authority figure.  

Now, I understand that when I feel stuck and frustrated, when I find myself avoiding and procrastinating, when I have a vague sense that

"I've done something wrong and I'm gonna be in big trouble" 

... that's my  5 year old gatekeeper anxiously scanning the horizon for trouble. 

The antidote: compassionate self-leadership

So now when I feel those things, I say to my child-self,

"Honey, it's okay. There's a grown up here now to take care of everything. No one is mad at you, and there's no way you can fail at Life." 

In my experience, compassionate self-leadership is the only real antidote to that crippling fear, that tyrannical inner critic's voice that otherwise keeps you small and limited, fearful and hurting. 

The full moon is the moment in the lunar cycle of peak light, peak energy, peak everything (like the Summer Solstice in the annual solar cycle).

Before electricity, the full moon was when communities held celebrations because you could see all night long.

Also before electricity, the full moon was the friend of anyone whose work took them outside at night -- because you didn't have to stumble around in the dark. Obstacles were clearly revealed.

We're less in touch with the lunar cycle now that we don't rely on the moon to light our nighttime activities, but metaphorically speaking, the full moon can still "illuminate" what we need to "see more clearly" in our lives.

The full moon is a good time for acknowledging the good things

The full moon is an excellent time for celebrations. Take a moment while the energy is peaking, to count your blessings and acknowledge and celebrate your strengths, commitments, good intentions, and accomplishments. 

Can't find any? For three days in a row over the full moon period, in your journal or on a piece of paper, write:

"I'm grateful for [...].

"I acknowledge [...]"

(Not sure what to acknowledge? Pick something good about you, something you've achieved, or even just something you haven't given up on. It gets easier with practice.)

And finally, write

"I want [...]" 

(Acknowledging our desires, especially the ones we don't want to admit to, is a way of honoring them -- which is much healthier and kinder than ignoring or suppressing them⁵. 

The full moon illuminates what's standing in our way  

Sometimes it feels hard to find much to celebrate, or any authentic desires.

Sometimes all I see at the full moon is obstacles. Frustration. Flare-ups of difficult patterns that just keep hanging on no matter how hard I try to shake them off.

The full moon brings a kind of "peak illumination" to whatever needs our attention. Whatever we've been avoiding addressing in our lives.

"What is obvious--fully illuminated--in my life right now?" is a question I ask as the full moon approaches⁶.

"What is most intense, obvious, or compelling; what is demanding my attention right now?"

"What am I compelled to notice?"

Don't be discouraged if all you see is obstacles. Obstacles present themselves to us more clearly and insistently when we're ready to resolve them.

Until then, they hide in the shadows. We stumble over them, we know they're there, but we don't see them clearly until we're ready to resolve them.

When we're ready, when we "see" clearly--not before--the insight, teacher, support, or resources we need show up. The situation resolves itself, one way or another. (Maybe not comfortably.) 

Our job in the meantime is to pay attention.

Right now, give your full attention to whatever feels intense in your life as this full moon approaches. Feel what you've been avoiding feeling. 

Where is it in your body? Does it have a colour? A shape? A texture? How might a small child describe it?

Identify how it feels in your body to be so blocked, miserable, frustrated, whatever. Be with it to whatever degree feels do-able for you right now. 

Take a long, deep, slow breath into the part of your body where you feel the sensations. Slower. Deeper. 

Then let your breath out.

Slowly.

Even slower.

Keep breathing out until your lungs are empty, and then breath out a bit more.

Do that three times: breathe into the sensations; breathe out slowly and completely. Make your out breath longer than your in breath.

Sometimes it helps to hum as you breathe out. Tunefully or not, it doesn't matter. When I hum, I sound like a drone or a bumble bee⁷.

Now. Now, you're paying attention.

And when you're paying attention (as opposed to just coping) you're more likely to recognize the help you need when it shows up (in whatever form it comes).

Related reading 

What will the Full Moon Reveal for You?

Even when I feel resistance to the way things are turning out, even when I'm face down on the floor kicking and screaming while things are turning out the way they are, I know I'm likely to look back later and say:

"Oh. NOW I see that the way it turned out was ok after all."

Often with the perspective of hindsight I even see that it had to be that way, and I see why.

And each time I benefit from hindsight in this way, it adds a fiber to my capacity to trust the present moment.

After so many times of seeing in the rear view mirror that the way things unfolded was for the purpose of my growth and the well-being of the Whole (as opposed to being for my own personal short-term comfort), I've come to expect that that's what I'll see when I look back. 

Which enables me to face or even embrace pain and discomfort in the present moment with a bit more faith that this doesn't mean "Life sucks and then you die."

To me, it means something more like "Life can be intensely uncomfortable (as can childbirth, for example) and then through the discomfort comes growth or treasure you couldn't have imagined or comprehended before the pain and discomfort broke you open and made you bigger."